Sometimes…

I wish that someone else would make the decision for me, or at least have the answers

I worry all day and all night

I hope that nobody saw that

I miss having less responsibility

I wonder what my future holds and how big and bright it will be

I ask but don’t receive but other times I get even when I don’t ask

I love myself, sometimes I don’t

I want too much

I dream about being in a fairytale

I believe that everything will be alright

I make things seem far worse in my mind

I do stupid things

I help someone and it feels good

I hate everything

I long for better days

I just want some time out from life

I need help

I am lonely

I get lost in a book, or in my mind, or while walking around a shopping centre

But most times I am just winging it.

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Why I avoid reality

There was a time, not so long ago actually, where I was living in hell. The world was so dark. My mind was a scary place and I was riddled with fear. Every noise I heard made me jumpy, I didn’t want to be at home but I also didn’t want to be out on the road. I didn’t know where I felt safe because fear had taken total control.

We live in a wonderful but scary world and for that time I had forgotten about the wonderful and dwelled on the scary. There were stories and stories about murders, rape, fraud, burglaries, police brutality and it got to me. It turned me into a wreck actually.

One day I woke up and I just unfollowed/unliked all the crime watching pages, I refuse to watch the news and don’t even read the sign boards on the street poles. It has gotten better.

I know it is there, I know these things are happening but I choose to try and avoid them and I choose to block them out, some may think its crazy or even stupid because knowing these things could make me wiser to what the criminals are doing nowadays or how to budget better because petrol is going up again but I choose to rather be a little naïve than live my life in fear and depression.

So I avoid reality like the plague for my own health and sanity. Am I alone?

Interpret Durban guys

The poster is out (it’s uber cool) the deadline date is set, the prizes organized and the excitement is booming, now all you have to do is enter, enter, enter if you have any sort of creative talent that you want to show off (creative talent being photographers, videographers, designers and illustrators).

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I love Interpret Durban because we get to see the talent coming out of the woodwork and those with the talent get to see their work come to life on a big platform. It’s cool right?

Link love #2

I have some goodies for you to read this week so enjoy!

I had “the perfect body” and I still wasn’t happy via Mind Body Green written by Madelyn Moon.

This piece is all the proof you need that if you don’t learn to love your body, you never will, no matter how much weight you lose or gain, no matter how many surgeries you go for, no matter how many hours you train a week. A very good read!

Why I am treating my 20s like the new 30s (Erica Piper, Hello Giggles)

Basically, stop wasting time and make your twenties count!

What I have learnt about blog growth by Jenny Purr

Some great tips from a great blogger!

Photographer documents 20 years of basic street style via Elle.com

Photographer Hans Eijkelboom has photographed people over 20 years in the same spots. He has released a book which is an extension of this article. You really should check it out, you will be very surprised.

The who, what, where, when and why of excellent blogging

When you actually think about the 5 W’s, it could change your whole blogging world.

Are you living an authentic life? By Kate Taylor on Medium

Such a great read and an even better exercise! It will change your way of thinking and make you start doing things about things.

Working with brands by bloggersworld.co.uk

If you haven’t worked with brands yet or are wanting to get better at it then there are some tips here for you.

I hope you enjoyed these links and have a lovely weekend!

Things this week

This week so far has been one of the hardest I have ever had to face and as I write this I am feeling insecure, needy and fearful. Without going into too much detail, my mom ended up in hospital on Monday night with a scare. Sitting with her for over five hours at a government hospital, seeing her in pain and not knowing what was going to happen made me into a wreck and since then I haven’t been able to get rid of the lump in my throat and the fear that my whole body is riddled with.

At the time, we didn’t know what was wrong, we didn’t know when she was going to be attended to, we didn’t know if she was going to be admitted and operated on (we still don’t know a lot of these things actually). That feeling of the unknown and fear puts everything into perspective.

But on a happier note I can say that she is okay, we are not in the clear yet but she is doing better.

I am using this as a lesson and I would like to share this lesson with you because in a time where a magazine cover of a fake ass trends we all need to refocus.

The unpredictability of life is very real and as cliché as it is, every moment must be lived, enjoyed and not a day should pass where you don’t tell your loved ones how you feel.

Your life is an investment so put in whatever you need to. A good medical aid, good health choices, exercise, the works.

Way too much time is spent worrying about things that actually don’t matter like what other people think of you, how many followers you have, etc.

We need to help each other and be kinder to one another, everyone is fighting battles, everyone could use some help or even just a smile.

Now that you have read my cliché post, pick up your phone right now and call/message/WhatsApp/Skype those closest to you!

Shopping Intervention time

I have mentioned more than enough times on this blog how addicted to shopping I am but what I may not necessarily have mentioned is that how this habit has gotten me into trouble financially all too many times because

a) I am an impulse buyer

b) When I want something, I want it now!

c) It is my addiction

With the new year and wedding coming up I have decided a few changes are in order, firstly, I am going to change from being a quantity kinda girl to a quality bitch so I am going to build a wardrobe with amazing quality basics. Instead of buying a gazillion things every month which I only end up wearing once or twice I am going to buy things I can wear often and change up. Secondly, I want to have focus when it comes to shopping and spending.

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These are the rules and guidelines I have put in place for myself, maybe they can help you too;

SHOP WITH A PURPOSE

I often just go to the shops to browse which ends up in impulse buying and a bad case of “I hate myself” when I get home so from now on unless I have seen something online perhaps that I REALLY want or if there is something I need like a new pair of jeans then I will go to the shops, other than that, I will steer clear completely.

STOP THE IMPULSE BUYING

From now on, if I see something that I wasn’t necessarily looking for or that I don’t need, I will not buy it on the spot. I will go home and see how I feel the next day, if I still feel like I want/need it then I will go back (I am hoping that the mission of going back for it will eliminate me buying just for the sake of it.

QUIT THE DEALS

Being a former frugal fashionista I would often fall for the “buy two get one free” or the “free shipping” deals because when I saw that, I suddenly need three of something or I need something off a website because of free shipping. No more, deals! Unless appropriate, they will be ignored.

SALE ITEMS

Once again buying something just because it is a bargain is not a good enough reason to buy it. Trust me, when you have wasted as much money as I have on stupid things because they are reasonable, you learn that nothing is actually a bargain unless you REALLY, really, REALLY want it and will use it.

DON’T BUY INTO EVERY TREND

Not that I do that now but when I like a trend I tend to over buy. I will stick to affordable trend pieces to go with my quality and amazing basics.

TAKE TIME TO THINK

I am very ocd when it comes to certain things matching, for example I love when my bag and shoes match so I must take the time to think about what I will wear something with before I buy it.

WEAR WHAT IS THERE

I have this thing where I want to buy something new for everything that happens, i.e. Christmas party, events, birthday, etc. I will start wearing what is there because once again, I buy for the event and don’t wear again.

DOCUMENT PROGRESS

I think I will document my wardrobe building and my less shopping progress on the blog. What do you think?

Shop wisely ladies, money isn’t endless (but why isn’t it?)